Box of Chocolates

"Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get." -Forest Gump

Yes, Forest, life is full of surprises, some wonderful like caramel chocolates, and some not so wonderful like coconut chocolates.  However, just because life is like a box of chocolates does not mean I have to eat a box of chocolates.

I have been known to be a stress/emotional eater.  In 2004, I moved, gained a roommate, broke up with my cheating boyfriend, changed jobs, started working a second job, found out my mom was diagnosed with Stage 4 Colon Cancer, and sat in a hospital waiting room while my mom was in surgery that the doctors were not certain she would survive.  Needless to say, 2004 was a very stressful and emotional year for me.  I found myself eating "Comfort Foods" quite often.  Chocolate, Chinese, pizza, pasta, chips and dip, cheese fries from Outback, etc.  By May, 2006, I was wearing a size 16 again.  I went through a few phases of weight loss, but I always seemed to gain back the pounds very quickly. 

I ate to celebrate, I ate when I cried, I ate when I was stressed with work, I ate, I ate, I ate.  Now, if I were eating celery sticks and apple slices, I probably wouldn't be writing this right now.  However, I was eating birthday cake, ice cream, peanut butter dipped in chocolate frosting, and a bunch of other very unhealthy things.  I tried to redeem myself by spending more time in the gym, but I was not burning what I would take in. 

Since I have started this weight loss journey, June 18, 2012, I have had caramel chocolates and coconut chocolates in life.  I have had much to celebrate, and I have shed a few tears.  I made a choice to not reach out for the bad stuff when stress or triumphs came into my life.  I decided that immediate satisfaction of the taste of pizza and chocolate brownies was not greater than the satisfaction of being healthy and happy with my body.  I reached out for new ways to relieve stress and to celebrate life events.  I dance, go for walks, shop, exercise, and pray.

I still eat, but I am eating healthier foods like celery and salsa, apple slices with cheese, light popcorn, and fresh fruit.  I do indulge at times, but moderation is key.  Chocolate is a treat, not a cure.  It should not be abused or it will abuse you. 

Life is going to happen regardless of what I do, but I have the choice on how I react to it.  I have control. 

Slow and Steady

"I'm in a hurry to get things done
Oh I rush and rush until life's no fun
All I really gotta do is live and die
But I'm in a hurry and don't know why"
                                 ~Alabama

We live in a society that is all about "Right Now".  Minute Rice, Instant Coffee, Fast Food, One Hour Dry Cleaning are just a few examples of how we have turned into an "Instant" Society.  We expect things immediately, and when things don't change or happen immediately, we are let down. 

When I started my weight loss journey, I wanted to drop the weight as fast as I could.  I wanted to see results instantly. I wanted to feel and look better on day 2.  However, that is not how it works.  As I have heard many times before, I didn't gain all the weight in one day, and I won't lose it in one day either. 

Throughout this journey, I have been reminded of Aesop’s Fables, The Tortoise and the Hare.  We can hit the ground running and lose several pounds right off the bat, but we are not going to keep up that momentum.  We won't take the time to learn healthy eating habits that are so vital when life hits with our busy on the go way of life.  We will basically be like the Hare by stopping to take a nap, and we will miss the finish. 

Or, we can be like the Tortoise.  We can take each day at a time and build from the day before.  Learn from our past, take control of our present, and create a better future.  We can learn how to eat healthy, how to redirect our emotions away from food, and how to exercise.  We can keep making progress towards our goal.  As the Tortoise said to the Hare, “Slowly does it every time!”

Spice It Up

So many times in the past I have found myself eating the same things over and over again because I was "dieting".  I had a general idea of what was healthy, and I knew that if I ate that particular meal, I should lose weight.  The problem was I ate that same meal every single day.  I was in a rut.

I usually got very bored with my "diet", and I had a flavor binge and I failed again at losing weight. 

On June 18, 2012, when I said I am going to do this-no matter what, I had to find a way to overcome the rut.  The diet plan I use(d) is very strict.  It has little room for imagination, but I still found a way to spice things up. 

Breakfast for me is simple.  I drink coffee with a little fat free half and half and 1 packet of Nectresse.  I use flavored coffee to change things up.  One day, I may have Cinnamon Swirl, the next I may have Pumpkin Spice, and the next day, I am drinking Morning Blend.  Regardless, I am giving my morning taste buds something new.

Lunch and dinner on my plan are the same concept, but very rarely are they the same meal.  I have chicken, steak, fish, or shrimp with salt, pepper, lemon juice, cumin, curry, dill, garlic, rosemary, thyme, basil, oregano, chili powder, or Cajun pepper to spice things up.  I also eat 2 cups of vegetables whether it's broccoli, cauliflower, celery, tomatoes, cucumbers, cabbage, asparagus, or spinach.  I season the veggies with lemon juice, salt, pepper, or whatever else sounds good that particular moment. 

I also get a few snacks in the day that I have spiced up.  I eat two snacks each day, and they are either a small apple, half a grapefruit, or 6-7 strawberries.  My favorite is to dice an apple, sprinkle a packet of sweetener on it, pour cinnamon all over it, and put it in the microwave for 2 minutes.  It is like a baked apple without all the fat and calories. 

Whatever program you are doing, add your own spice and don't get in a rut.  Don't feel you are limited to a life without taste and flavor.  Make your taste buds do a little dance when you eat.  Diets are not always about stale rice cakes and bland tasting food.  Diets are really about finding the new you, teaching you to eat in a healthier and smarter way.  Diets aren't about losing weight and gaining it back with a few extra pounds.  Diets are meant to kick start yourself to a better feeling you.

They say variety is the spice of life.  I would have to agree.  Without the spices, chicken and fish would have gotten old very quickly, and I do not believe I would have had the success I have experienced. 

Beautiful

              "Get Away From Me, You FAT UGLY COW!"

I was 10 years old when I heard those words for the very first time.  I had the biggest crush on the boy that said them to me.  For that reason, his opinion of me mattered.

At times, I still struggle with my self-image.  I still see myself as an outcast as the fat ugly girl.  I don't have that crush anymore, but I can still hear those words in my head twenty-six years later.

I don't think I am the only one that struggles with self-imaging issues.  I am pretty sure most women and men have experienced this at one point or another in their lives.  My question is why do we care so much about what others think of us.  We have the mentality of "It doesn't matter what I think of me, and it doesn't matter what you think of me.  It only matters what I think you think of me."  This is not the right mentality to have. 

We should really take on the Saturday Night Live character, Stuart Smalley, philosophy.  You're Good Enough, You're Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like You. 

Or Bob and Larry's philosophy from Veggie Tales.  God Made You Special, and He Loves You Very Much.

God made us in His image.  God made us with Love.  He did not make us to dislike ourselves.  He made us to love one another as we would love ourselves.  If we can't love ourselves, how can we possibly share God's love with others.  I have to tell myself when I am feeling down about myself that God is much greater and mightier and wiser than any 12 year old boy. 

God doesn't judge my self worth by my weight, my hair color, my complexion, or any other physical attribute.  Before God ever made me, He knew what kind of person I would be.  He knew my struggles, my tears, my joy, and my laughter.  God knows the number of hairs on my head.  God loves me for me.

I am loved by God so much that He gave Jesus to me and this old world to die on a cross.  I am worth the ultimate sacrifice.  God wouldn't let His only son, Jesus, die on a cross if I wasn't worth anything.  And Jesus died on the cross for not just me, but for every single person brought into this world.  That means we are all worth the ultimate sacrifice. We are His children. We are all loved.  We are all beautiful in His eyes. 

One Way



Memorial Day 2012

It doesn't matter where you have been.  It only matters where you are going.   
This is me two weeks before I started my weight loss journey.  I was out of shape, my blood pressure was high, and I was miserable from carrying around so much extra weight. 

I was a happy person for the most part, but I was tired of being what I called a "Chunky Monkey". 

I look at this picture now, and I have so many mixed emotions.  One, I am thrilled to be down 62 pounds thus far.  Two, I am ashamed that it took me so long to say yes, I can do this.  Three, I am thankful to have found a program that works for me and the motivation to keep going. 



Halloween 2012


The journey has been interesting, the journey has been fun, the journey has been difficult, BUT the journey has been worth it.  I went to a Halloween dance party, and I did not feel like the Blob from Outer Space that I felt like the year before.  I felt good.  I was about 40 pounds down at that point.  I had so much more energy, my smile was larger, and I was ready for fun.  I am still amazed when I see myself in this picture.  It gives me more determination and motivation.  I can see the difference in myself from Memorial Day to Halloween, and it is not all just a physical difference.  Isn't it amazing what can happen in 4 months!

January 25, 2013

I am now one size away from my goal size.  One size!  I feel amazing!  Each day is a choice to keep going.  Each day, I wake up saying I am going to do this.  It is not always easy, but it is so worth the end result. 

It doesn't matter if you need to lose 5 pounds, 20 pounds, or even 100 pounds.  What does matter is saying yes to you being able to do something good for yourself.  It doesn't matter where you are starting.  The journey always starts the same way.  It starts by saying yes.  I am not going to walk backwards, I am not going to fall back into that former body of myself.  I have decided to make my journey a one way trip. 

Stop Complaining

“Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.”

At one time in my life, I was insane.  I was the world's worst about complaining about being fat, not fitting in my clothes, getting winded walking up a flight of stairs. I complained, and I felt sorry for myself. I complained, but I never did anything about changing what I was complaining about. 

I might have gone to the gym a day or two or ate a salad for lunch, but I really wasn't changing. After a stressful day or week, I still wanted to chow down on pizza and popcorn and watch a movie or two.  This was not real change. I was expecting different results because I "tried" for a meal.

I complained so often that I know I must have driven my friends and family crazy.  To those of you who listened, thank you for putting up with me.  I know now that you were probably ready to yell at me, "If you don't like the way you look, do something about it!"

I was tired of complaining.  I was tired of blaming any and every thing else for my not losing weight.  I took control of my situation, my life, my weight.  I said it was time to do something "different" to get "different" results.  For me, it was a very strict, low calorie diet.  I needed the extreme change to jolt me into gear.  For someone else, you may need to implement one new healthy practice into your life each week.  Regardless of your personality or your lifestyle, do something to be different. 

Stop complaining about whatever it is that you don't like about yourself, and get up and do something about it.  Take charge of your life. 

Goals and Lipstick

“Enjoy losing weight. Enjoy eating healthy, delicious food. Do not wait until you reach your destination to feel good. Take as much happiness and joy as you can from your weight loss journey.”  -Harry Papas

When I started my weight loss journey, I knew I needed to lose 60-75 pounds. That is A LOT of weight, and it was a goal that almost seemed out of reach. I decided the best way to stay motivated was to break it up into smaller goals.   

My first goal was to lose the very first pound. I know that does not seem like a very lofty goal, but it was the most important one. This is the goal that said I was ready to start my journey, and continue on with it. 

My next goal was to lose 7.3 pounds. This would put me in the next category. As most women would agree, there is a huge difference in 169 pounds and 171 pounds. There is something to be said for those two pounds. Two pounds changed from being 170 something to 160 something.  Two pounds, a fresh pineapple, a 16 oz. soda, a carton of ice cream, gives a us a sense of going to the next level. Then, my goals became every 10 pounds. 

I have one other goal that does not reflect the scale, but rather the size of my clothing. I have several dresses, pants, and shirts in my closet that I have not worn in years. I wanted to get back to wearing those clothes. I am now wearing most of them.

My final weight loss goal is to wear a dress I bought that is a size smaller than what I am now. It is beautiful, and I really want to wear it to a dance on April 6. 

Now, the best part of making goals and reaching them are the rewards that come with them.  I believe in rewarding ones self when reaching a goal. It keeps you motivated, it gives you a sense of accomplishment, and it gives you the perfect excuse to go shopping. 

My rewards included shoes, clothes, lipstick, earrings, and perfume. Never did I use food as a reward.    That would be counter productive. I rewarded myself with things that reminded me of what I had accomplished thus far. 

Goals are obtainable. We can overcome. Philippians 4:13 says, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." 

Can't Stop Me Now

“When people are ready to, they change. They never do it before then, and sometimes they die before they get around to it. You can't make them change if they don't want to, just like when they do want to, you can't stop them.” -Andy Warhol, Andy Warhol in His Own Words

You are not going to lose weight, quit smoking, eat better, exercise, or anything else till you really want to do it.  When I got to the point that I HAD to lose weight or go on blood pressure medication, I really WANTED to lose weight.  Now that I am one clothing size from reaching my goal, I will not be stopped.  I am more determined than ever to keep going, keep pushing, and keep changing. 

I'm not saying that it has been easy, but when has anything worth having been easy. Each day, I wake up saying I am going to eat right, drink water, exercise, and be happy with myself.  Each day, I make the decision to keep going.  When I first started my diet plan, I reminded myself several times a day that staying on track was more important than any cookie, cake, or brownie.  My long term goal of being healthy outweighed the so called pleasure of a sweet treat. 

I think of Jesus when I struggle with staying on track.  How difficult it must have been for Him knowing that His time on earth would end in pain and agony.  He knew that He would be arrested, beaten, ridiculed, and put to death.  However, He willingly went through it all for us.  It wasn't easy for Him, but it had to be done.  There was no stopping Jesus of sparing us a life without hope because He loves us that much.

Now, I am not comparing my weight loss to the life of Christ, but I think of what he did for each and every one of us, and then I think about what I want for those I love.  I don't have children now, but I hope to one day.  I want to be healthy and energetic for them.  I want to teach them healthy eating habits by the example I give them.  I want to reach my health goals for my future children, my future husband, and my family.  We change for ourselves, but when you love someone, you want to do everything you can to enrich their lives as well.  I decided to change for me, but I want others to benefit from it as well. 

Change can be a terrifying word, but it can also be exhilarating and exciting.  When you say you are ready to change, whether it is weight loss, exercising, or quit smoking, then embrace it and don't let anyone or anything stop you from reaching your goals. 

If Only

I have decided there are two words in the English language that cause more pain and suffering than any other two words. These words cause us to fail before we even begin. What are these two words? They are "If Only".

If only, I had more time. If only, I didn't have this going on. If only I could do this first, then I would do that. If only, I wasn't afraid. If only, if only, if only. 

I was a master of the "If Only" excuse. If only I didn't get off work so late, I could work out.  If only I had willpower, I could eat healthier.  If only I didn't weigh so much, I would train for a 5K. If only I liked the way I looked, I would stay motivated. If only... 

I tried diet after diet, workout plans, eating only meat, giving up sugar.  I jumped in head first and a few days later, I would have a huge falling out. If only...

When my blood pressure was becoming an issue, my doctor said lose weight and get your bp down, or you'll have to take medication. I am not a fan of taking pills, and I am less of a fan of paying for pills so I decided to try again. 

This time was different. There could not be If Only in my vocabulary. I had to do more. That is when I came to the realization that my inner joy did not match my outward appearance. I decided it was time to take action.  Yes, I went on "a diet". However, I did more than just watch my calories and exercise. I looked at who I really was as a human, a woman, and a child of God. No matter if I lost weight or not, I grasped what God really did when he created me. He made me in His image. He put in me His qualities. He gave me a spirit of loving others, giving encouragement to those in need, 

finding joy in the simple things, and being excited to be His daughter. I have a joy that no one can 

take away because Christ lives within me. God created me to share my joy, lift others up, be His face to others. After all, I was made in His image. God made me. 

I want others to see Christ in me. I want them to see joy, happiness, compassion, a loving spirit, and hope. I don't want them to see a girl that doesn't like herself because she's heavy, unhealthy, or just down about nothing fitting in her closet. 

So, "If Only" is packed away.  The excuses are done.  I am taking ownership of being the woman God wants me to be.